surprised by joy

man! life is tough sometimes, right? it seems like if it's not one thing it's another...planning a wedding seems to heighten this universal law. it would be so easy to collapse into a puddle of jelly and let everyone else deal with it! but in God, i find this unexplainable strength, even joy, to get though the difficulties. 

my maid of honor maaay not be able to come. she lives in new zealand and among other things, tickets run close to 2,000 bucks! isn't that heinous? last week, i called the hall that we wanted for our reception and the lady on the other end of the phone gave me a long, awkward silence before she informed me that she had mistakenly given my spot to someone else... signed and paid for. the week before that, i realised the lovely shoes i wanted (floral TOMS!) were no longer available even though (i thought) i had paid for them. apparently, they sold out so fast, the company didn't have time to stop the orders from pouring in.

there are still 4 months before july 13th. i cringe at the thought of what else could go wrong. but you know what? it doesn't really matter. sure, at the time, it seems like the end of my world. i cry in frustration and break out in a rash, but then...i pray. God give me strength, give me peace. and my goodness, i get it. today, i was kicking up my heels and laughing by myself at work. some of you question my sanity, but i know what it is; i am surprised by joy. consider it pure joy, brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds. james 1:2. it's really hard to explain or understand it unless you've experienced it.

at the end of the day the only thing that matters is that moment. just like in the kiera knightly pride and prejudice when lizzie and mr. darcy are dancing. one minute they are in a hall full of people and the next, they are alone. the cellos swell and you could cut the intensity with a knife. one minute, i will be a bundle of nerves, surrounded by our friends and family in a beautiful scene and the next? the only thing that will matter is james, standing at the end of my path. if i can keep my eyes on the prize, i can deal with anything.

sorry, this is a long one. just had to get it out.

a love note from my love